How Transparent Can You Be?

I grew up in the great state of Wisconsin, home of the Green Bay Packers, cheese curds, and unbelievably lenient liquor laws. Did you know that in Wisconsin, you can order alcohol in a restaurant at any age, as long as a parent or guardian is with you? When I worked as a waitress, the bartenders told me about this father and his 12 year old daughter who would come in on Sunday mornings and drink Bloody Marys. Slightly disturbing, but legal.

I was also used to liquor stores being open after noon on Sunday, and most grocery stores having a liquor annex, where you could buy any sort of alcohol you wanted, from tequila to Zima to a nice Cabernet.

So when I moved to Minnesota, I was in for a bit of a shock. No alcohol in restaurants for anyone under 21, period. No liquor stores open on Sundays. And, perhaps most inconvenient, the only alcohol sold in grocery stores has an alcohol content of 3.2% or lower.

These days, certain groups are pushing to pass legislation that would legalize the sale of wine in Minnesota grocery stores. A group named Minnesota Smart opposes this legislation; every time I go to the liquor store, I see the Minnesota Smart poster that says the following:

9 out of 10 Minnesotans agree that increased exposure of children to alcohol is a bad idea.

Now, let's set aside for a minute the fact that I would like to see wine in grocery stores, and that I'm not necessarily sure that treating alcohol as some sort of forbidden thing only for adults is the best way to teach children about alcohol. I honestly haven't looked at both sides of the Minnesota-wine-in-grocery-stores debate, and so I'm not really in a good position to judge the validity of Minnesota Smart's overall position.

What I AM in a position to judge is the ridiculous transparency of this ad. Who do they think they're kidding? If this sign were at a school, or a community center, it would be believable. But you put it up at a liquor store and expect me to believe that the real reason you oppose this legislation is for the sake of the children? C'mon folks, I'm not that dumb.

It's clear that the real reason that liquor stores are concerned about this proposed legislation is that they don't want their profits to fall. And that could be a perfectly reasonable argument in and of itself--"Don't vote for this because it will put a lot of small stores out of business and move the money to the hands of big box grocery stores." But instead, they choose the overly paternalistic, patronizing approach of appealing to our sentimental morality.

And the real kicker is, this liquor store that I frequent is less than 100 yards away from the grocery store. It's in the middle of an outdoor shopping center, and right next to a large condo/apartment complex. Kids walk past it all the time. It's clear that this store plays up the convenience of people doing their grocery and liquor shopping at the same time. And yet, this is the very thing that they choose to play up in their ads against this legislation.

It's such a disingenuous, transparent approach that if the issue shows up on the ballot, I'm tempted to vote for it, just because I'm angry at being taken for such an idiot. And because a glass of wine with dinner does sound like a good thing.

And they say American music is crap....

The 2007 Eurovision Song Contest took place this weekend, with Serbia winning with their entry--Marija Šerifović singing "Molitva" (see the Video of the Week). I like the song fine. It doesn't really grab me like I would expect the winning song to, but it was nice enough. I think what impressed me the most is how Marija looks--she doesn't have the body or hairstyle of a Britney, for example, but she was still selected as Serbia's representative to the contest.

To be honest, my favorite song in the top 10 was Bulgaria's entry: "Water" performed by Elitsa Todorova and Stoyan Yankoulov. Here's their entry video:



The song, which placed 5th, draws on traditional Bulgarian folklore, while incorporating innovative percussion elements. Even so, it has the strong dance beat and techno tonality (if there is such a thing) that I expect of stereotypical European music. I mean, I wouldn't have been surprised to hear this song playing in the background of a club in Germany in an Alias episode. That doesn't mean it's bad, just that it's slightly predictable.

But the entry that REALLY blows my mind is the entry from the Ukraine. When watching this video, keep in mind that this got SECOND PLACE:



W.T.F. If you check out the lyrics for the song, it makes close to zero sense. Most of the chorus is saying the numbers 7, 1, 2, and 3 in German. Oooh, killer song. And don't even get me started on that guy's outfit. It's like the worst of Cher and Madonna combined.

I'm really not intending to knock European music, but I have to admit that I was surprised when I saw these videos. I hadn't paid attention to the contest in past years, but I expected the best songs from each European country to be much more innovative and, well, better. Perhaps it's because I've always associated Europe with culture, fashion, and the cutting edge of trendiness. I guess it makes me feel kind of smug. Yes, Europeans, you have cooler buildings, an unbelievable wealth of historically significant artists and musicians, better social welfare programs, thinner bodies, better public transportation, better wine, beer, and cheese, and you can all speak multiple languages, but hey--at least the best of our new music doesn't totally blow.

As much as I hate to admit it, it almost makes me want to watch American Idol. At least they don't wear tin foil hats.