The problem with Britney

I admit it. I used to be a big Britney Spears fan. I own her first three albums--and this when I was listening to her right when downloading stuff from Napster wouldn't get you in trouble. I even watched Crossroads (albeit on an airplane where that was the only thing to watch).

The last few years, I've realized that her music is crap (and quite possibly has always been crap, although I'm not quite ready to admit that yet) and that the craziness of her personal life is simply too distracting to take her seriously as a musician. I really don't care about who she's sleeping with, who's going to get custody of her kids, or what her hair actually looks like. I think the things that she wears are absolutely hideous, but if she wants to, again, who really cares?

And so even though she headlined the VMAs on Sunday, I didn't even take the time to tune in, because I didn't care. I was surprised, however, on Monday to read how simply awful she was. This was her big chance. She was onstage at a major awards show, poised to show the music world that yes, she was back and better than ever. Anyone with half a brain would realize that if you mess this up, you're done. But according to anyone who covered the event, she just tanked.

So I had to watch the video for myself. Here it is:



There were two big complaints about Britney's performance:
1. She was woefully out of shape and it really showed.
2. She was lazy, not matching her lip-synching to the music and not putting any energy into her dance moves.

I'm not going to say a whole lot about the first. For someone who has had two kids, she looked great. I can honestly say that if I have that figure after I've had any children, I will be quite happy. However, I have no plans now or ever in the future to prance around on a stage in boy shorts and a bra. Especially when 19 years olds who have never even considered having kids are writhing around on stage next to me. Not a good frame of reference.

But I don't think it's fair to blame this all on Britney. There are plenty of female musicians who have kids and dress sexily on stage, even if they aren't quite as thin as they used to be. I would look to her costumer, and her publicist, and her agent, and ask them, "Why didn't you guys catch this? Why didn't you dress her in something that is provocative, yet doesn't accentuate her unflattering aspects? And can't someone find her a wig or extensions or something that doesn't look like it's been dragged through the dirt by a cat?" Come on. This is the headline act for the VMAs, and no one watched this performance in advance and had the authority to make some constructive suggestions about costuming? I don't believe that for a minute.

But what I will hold Britney responsible for is her complete lack of energy throughout the performance. One of the things that I like about her as a performer was her crisp dancing, as well as her ability to make simple motions dramatic. She's also been very good at pushing the envelope during live performances--stripping, large snakes, kissing Madonna--she always was doing something to get her audience's attention. And her performance on Sunday had none of that. She looked lethargic, her movements were sloppy, and her performance was just the same thing she's always done.

For comparison, check out this video from the 2000 VMAs, where she covered the Stones' "Satisfaction" and performed "Oops! I Did It Again." Here, she's full of energy, her dancing is crisp, and she really shocks her audience when she pulls off that suit. I can still remember watching it in my dorm room at college with my friends--all of us were sitting there saying, "Is she seriously doing this?"



Now, we're asking the same question--"Is she seriously doing this?"--but for all of the wrong reasons. Britney, either care about what you're doing, or get off the stage, and let us watch someone who does.